alter ego

okay so i never even come on this blog anymore, except to vent when i’m really upset. i could post on my other tumblr, but i dont feel like having my friends asking me whats wrong and if im okay and shit, because i’m not, really.
but i don’t want to talk to them about it.
because its just… the same shit.
and i’m really, really tired of this.
i really thought that this might be it, you know? but at the same time i just knew that would be to much to be true. and i was right.
am i stupid for thinking i even stood a chance? probably.
i just really had my heart set on this. which is something i vowed never ever to do again. because it’s not worth it. the pain outweighs the happiness, and i can’t take it. and now im all teary-eyed sitting here like an idiot.
pathetic.
i hate myself for this. i hate the world for this… just… fuck everything.
i want to hate you.
i just wanna scream “fuck you” and channel this in to anger instead.. but i can’t.
i’ll be angry for a few minutes and then im just sad again because its impossible to be mad at you.
there’s nothing about you to hate.
and that’s why i fucking hate this. i’m trying to keep my cool but i just can’t.
I’m such a little bitch and i hate it.
i can’t even look at my friends right now, the two couples have been together for 3 years and mine crumbled apart a long time ago.
i wanna think that it’s all gonna be worth it. that all the bullshit is going to somehow pay off and i’ll have an even greater relationship then they’ve ever had.
but that would be asking way too much, haha.

everythng about you, i love literally everything about you. the more i learn about you the more there is to love and now.. well now i just feel stupid. i never should have gotten this close.

so as always, the love is one-sided.

i guess i’ll always be the one who has to be miserable so that others can be happy.

and that’s my life.
xx

i really don’t understand you.
all of a sudden you want a tattoo… seriously?
and  a cross at that.

this really makes me angry. i honestly don’t care if you go to church on sundays or not, you’re one of the most cold-hearted people i have ever met. you lie and hurt people because you think it’s fun, you get yourself in to things you know you shouldn’t.. you’re just so fucking full of sin.

it pains me to see you wear your stupid cross necklace, and now you want a tattoo?
its like you think it’s going to make up for all the stupid shit that you do.

like, i can do whatever i want because all i have to do is pray and i’m forgiven!

please -.-

alexismarie:

“I promise I’ll always be here for you” really means “I’ll be here for you until someone better comes along and then I’ll just treat you like you’re nothing because I’m an asshole”

you know the thing is that there’s a point where you’re comfortable being single and you go out and have fun with your friends and everything, but it’s kinda hard sometimes when some of those friends are always making out or acting cute or some shit.

like some days its just like hey, wow it’s really great that you guys have been in love for fucking ever but can you guys get a room?

like i don’t even want to go to group things if i just have to sit there and watch you two be all “cute”

at this point its just annoying like hey hi hello single friend sitting right here please cut that the fuck out

damn i needed to get that out of my system.

why do you always do this?
I give you so many chances but you keep hurting me…
do you even realize that’s what you’re doing? sometimes you apologize after, but you hardly sound like you mean it.
and then you go and do it again.
why do you have to bring him in to everything? this entire fight has been so fucking hard for me, it’s taken so much out of me… and when I’m FINALLY, truly getting happy again, you go and weave in a loop hole.

fuck you for doing this
you know how much he hurt me.
fuck you for still being friends with him.

and now you’re asking ME, if I can take a shift at work for you, so that you can go and see his friend…. and break up his relationship, so you can have him for yourself? … that would mean you’ll be hanging with him a lot more….. which means bringing him in to the picture. and I don’t think I can handle that.
I don’t want to hear about “that time when…” you were with him. I don’t want to know.
because yeah, i’m over what happened, so now I hate him.
do you honestly think hooking up with his friend is a good idea?
you’re ruining our friendship.
i hope you know that.

oh excellent. fucking stellar.

the girl i hate is now friends with my ex’s new friends

FUCK YOU FOR EVEN EXISTING

SDFJKSBDGBHSDGJFJF

UGH

FUCK

FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYTHING

FUCK

FUCK